As people get older, they tend to want more practical things as gifts. They want something that they could use all the time and while sentimental gifts are amazing, they would prefer it if they got something more useful. They’re pretty straightforward about this and it makes things easier when you want to give them a gift. For retirees, they often say that they’ve had the rest of their life to collect a whole lot of mementos, coffee mugs, clothes, and other novelty items. If possible, they would rather not get anything, but hey, if they’re finally retiring, they deserve to get something as a token of appreciation for all their years of hard work. Your best bet is to get a gift that they can use to make things easier and more functional for them. Retirement gag gifts are definitely not that. Although with a little thought you can give retirement gag gifts that are funny and serve a purpose.
People from older generations are more blunt when it comes to asking them what they want. Your office pal who is about to retire probably just wants something that’s related to their hobbies. Why? Because they finally have the time to pursue it full-time. They don’t have to work anymore, give them something to keep busy with. Also, there are a whole lot of retirement gag gifts out there that have a dual purpose. It’s funny and at the same time, functional. You have this gift guide to provide you with knowledge on what you should buy and still come off as someone with an awesome sense of humor but very considerate.
Another thing to consider is the time for shipping and delivery if you decide to buy from an online store. If you’re a fan of Amazon, then you probably already have Prime. Shipping is free and your order arrives in two days. While you can give the gift of Amazon Prime to your retiring pal, if they’re not that big on online shopping or online media streaming, it won’t be as useful as you’d expect it to be. Also, gift cards might be useful, but that’s just impersonal, to be honest. It’s like you’re saying that you didn’t think of what to give them, so here’s some cash inside a card that you can only spend in the store.
Don’t just give them a gift just so they could have something to open during their retirement party. They’re retired, while they have a lot of time for themselves, you won’t get to spend as much time with them because well, you have your own thing going on. So make sure that you’re getting them something that they’ll remember you by.
If the person who is retiring is a close relative, then it makes it easier for you to think up of something that’s right up their alley. Don’t enable them to become hoarders by giving them something useless! But for real, you can show your love for them with an appropriate retirement gag gift that they’ll enjoy.
Also, if what you’re planning to give them is way beyond your budget, it’s okay to ask your co-workers or family members to help pitch in for the money to buy the gift. Sometimes, you just have to pool your resources together to give the best gift for someone who is about to be on permanent vacation from work.
You can’t go wrong with giving retirement gag gifts to someone, unless you give him or her something that you know they hate or they’re allergic to. Or you know, the retirement gag gifts you’re getting are incredibly offensive.
So, without further ado, here’s a detailed list that’s chock full of retirement gag gifts that you may consider to give for that person who is about to bid adieu to the job that they’ve had for years, maybe even decades.
At first glance this “survival kit” looks like it’s just another novelty gift for someone who is about to retire. Well, you wouldn’t expect it to contain a bottle opener, two decision dice, a paddleball, a retirement button, and a drink Koozie. At least two of the contents of the kid seem like it could be pretty dang useful for someone who’ll be having a ton of time to them at home. Well, who doesn’t love bottle openers? Especially if it’s printed with something that’s celebrating a recent milestone! How about the paddleball? Well, they finally have extra time, so why not kill it with a quick game. And as for the Koozie– everybody wants to keep his or her drinks quite warm or cold. Get this if you can’t decide on one thing to give!
There’s a reason why survival knives are timeless gifts, regardless of the reason why. The word “survival” is in the name itself and it gets the job done when you’re out in the wilderness. What’s funny is that the tools included in this Swiss-style knife are said to be essential for those who are aging and retiring. It has several functions: reading glasses repairer, nose hair clipper, ingrown toenail remover, denture scraper, prune juice can opener, toothpick, tweezers, pill bottle safety cap opener, corkscrew, and a bunion file. You might think that hey, all these are included in a standard issue survival knife, but you have to admit that their other purposes sure are useful for when someone reaches retiring age and need one tool for every single thing that they have to deal with.
Everybody’s grandparents probably had one of these on their front porch, or maybe at least their living room. Regardless of your age, sitting on a rocking chair is quite soothing and can relax you after a long and stressful day. For retirees, they’ve had long and stressful DECADES at work, so what better way to help them release all of that by giving them a rocking chair that’s comfortable and has cushions? Yes, it can be classified as a gag gift because they might think that they’re not that old to enjoy having one, but trust us on this one. Once they get a hang of it, you may never see them get up from that rocking chair ever. They’ll start doing everything while rocking back and forth thanks to your wonderful gift. It’s functional and useful!
Once you’re eligible to retire, you’re officially an old fart by everybody else’s standards. Luckily, if you’re reading this guide, you haven’t reached that age yet and you’re probably just looking at this to come up with ideas on what to give to your co-worker or to your relative who is about to go on pension. Why not keep their feet warm and cozy in the mornings with this pair of slippers? They’re essentially an old fart if they’ve finally reached the age of retiring. They no longer have to worry about coming into the office and dealing with all the daily stresses of work. All they have to do after retirement is wake up, have coffee, and make sure that they aren’t too cold because they might get chilly. They’ll have a good laugh with what the slippers say and they’ll be reminded of your awesome sense of humor.
While we have mentioned that giving a mug to someone who is retiring may not be practical, it’s still awesome to receive a mug that is non-generic and is actually quite funny. We’re here to talk about gag gifts that also serve another function, so why the hell shouldn’t we include a mug that looks like a prescription bottle? At their age, they’re probably already dealing with multiple yellow bottles inside their medicine cabinet, so let’s up the ante by having another one in their kitchen where they can drink coffee from? You can’t deny that this is a pretty awesome novelty gift that also serves its purpose. It’s eye-catching, so there’s like an 80% chance that you retiring pal will grab this mug over their other generic mugs. Frankly, you probably don’t have to be a retiree in order to enjoy a gift as awesome as this.
When people say someone is about to retire, they immediately imagine an old guy with a huge beer belly and white hair. Some old ladies also do retire, you know! They’ve dedicated decades of their lives for their jobs, so they should also be getting epic presents during their retirement parties. Any sexy grandma would have a laugh at this mug. It has tassels on it! And saggy breasts! At their age, they no longer have insecurities unlike younger women. They’re sexy in their own right thanks to their confidence, and mostly because they no longer give a crap about people who always like to comment about how women look like. Age is nothing but a number. Show them how much you appreciate the fact that they’re still swinging with this funny mug. Every morning, they’ll be reminded of how wonderful and sexy they are, regardless of the saggy breasts.
Millennials have ruined the wonders of an adult onesie because they now wear it everywhere. For one, retirees should be the ones wearing these kinds of clothes because they’re warm and comfortable. Didn’t our grandfathers used to wear these things whenever they were about to go to bed? Might as well revive the trend of letting retirees wear onesies by giving one to someone at their retirement party! The best part is that sizing isn’t too difficult to figure out and there are a ton of options available for them. You can buy every color available if you want to! Heck, there are even designs that are quite tacky, that they’re best suited for a much older generation. You’re giving it to someone young at heart? Then why not purchase a onesie resembling a dinosaur, a unicorn, or even Mickey freaking Mouse?
Younger generations scoff at those who have metal detectors in their hands while out in public, but they don’t know how wonderful metal detecting is. Some retirees even end up getting some extra cash on the side because of what they find with their devices! Let your favorite retiree know that you still want them to be active by getting them a metal detector! You don’t have to cough up a whole lot of cash for a device that’s perfect for beginners. But if you’re one to splurge, then you can also give them something that costs as much as a secondhand car. Either way, you’re encouraging a retiree to stay healthy and active and to have fun. Also, whatever they may find can almost always be turned into cash, especially if they’re lucky enough to find some old coins under the ground!
It’s kind of expected for a retiree to finally have the time to binge-watch their favorite TV shows and do everything in front of the tube. Where else are we going to see them aside from the weekly bingo nights at the rec center? Get them a TV tray so they can eat their meals in front of their TV and they’ll never miss another episode of that afternoon soap opera and those evening primetime crime shows that they all love so much!
I hope you liked browsing Gibe & Jest’s definitive list of retirement gag gifts. Hoping to send those retirees out with some style and just a touch of class. Obviously class is subjective. But funny is up to you. Besides, if it’s funny we have it. If it’s not here then then it’s just not funny.